Not sure why I should find being used and thrown away so disturbing, it's a common enough experience, after all. Should probably just be glad to have been able to be useful for a while and go find some other way to be useful. The first part is easy, I am glad. The problem with the second bit is that I seem to have lost the capacity to trust others enough to be much use to them. This is pretty unreasonable, it's just a couple cases of people I thought of as highly trustworthy proving to be quite otherwise and even in those cases, severe mental illness played a large role and I'm quite aware that that can make the best people do some really repulsive things. The effect has been what it's been though and I don't seem able to talk myself out of it. Thinking about the discussion in The Body in Pain of torturers' preference for common household objects as torture implements. I thought I was someplace safe.