Wishing I could do a better job reconciling the gentleness of my feelings for others with the extreme harshness of my thoughts, experience and manner. The thoughts are behind it all of course, layers of static, multitracked, reversible, incessant. A real problem with opening myself up to people is that they end up getting exposed to these processes and they tend to scare the shit out of them. It's not surprising, that's mostly how I feel about them myself. The thing is, these scary things are the basis of most of my good qualities- reliable, empathetic, perceptive, etc. Should probably work harder at keeping my insides on the inside, it's not very pleasant and it makes me feel terribly alone, but it's probably best.
Extreme natural beauty continues outside, spent a while walking around in town, watching the Friday traffic, people cartoonish in their variety waiting at the traffic light at Pleasant & Main, haven't done that since Summer. Picked up some nice Thai, had nice chat with restaurant workers about loving heart teddy bear pin, get more enthusiastic responses to that pin, very thoughtful of T to get it for me, a sign & a warning. Preved!