Monday, July 31, 2006

Big voice: I have spoke my verse with what skill I could hone through long years in yonder hills, did it please you?

A million tiny voices (buzzing): It did not, for what it lacked in diversion and charm it made up for only with gracelessness and banality, and now we shall devour you.

Big voice: Crap.
Fatigue is really something, how many frequencies do you think it's possible to vibrate at at once? Fixing highly spiced green curry with tiny summer squash, green beans, carrots, etc. Green beans are a pain to cook when impatient to be asleep.

Spent an uncannily long time at work today looking for an errant cd, I'm a highly skilled professional.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Went to show at Bookmill, left a bit early as headache and extremely hot room weren't mixing too well, shame, was having fun, need to go to work early anyway. Ran into Dane I'll be working with tomorrow at record shop earlier, good thing, too, as he didn't know who to ask for at the paper, when to come, etc. Typical of this whole business. Should be asleep, but headache says no, tomorrow will probably collapse with aneurysm while slaving over hot server & then you'll be sorry.

So feeling pretty sorry for myself, don't like pain, would write myself an ode or something but the muses split with some cool guy, said not to wait up.
Headache is hanging in there, played some guitar anyway, now working on cataloging songs with no info that people gave me, don't tell me, don't tell me, I know it's wrong.
Just picked up 'The Essential Fripp & Eno' in town, listening to 'The Heavenly Music Corporation' for the first time in who knows how long, used to have a cassette of 'No Pussyfooting' in college that I was really into listening to on my walkman, remember a particularly intense experience listening to 'Swastika Girls' & reading 'Suspiria de Profundis'- oh, hell, now I want to be watching Argento movies. The amount of beauty in the world is difficult to overstate.
Was thinking of spending the hot afternoon hiding in my air conditioned hidey hole, but somehow the outside beckons, an horchata would be nice, for instance. Taking the dog for a long walk before work this morning was a mistake, transition from extreme hot sweatiness to 68 degree server room left me with a wicked headache- pills, coffee & a shower are slowly sorting that out, right eyelid still twitching.

For some reason my mind is alive with business ventures, really, what the fuck?

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Abrupt dishevelment and its reversal, dramatic ends achieved by technologies of time dispersal and congealment, in short, our conception, in itself banal, reveals multitudes, in relation to what it is not. The only thing shameful about the indigence of art, at the present time, is how it conceals itself, sometimes in the tiny folds around your eyes. The scent of mint, adrift on the wind, your name whispered by a ghost born of sleepless nights, a host of other things with no names- so you do what you can do and what happens will. The canals of your ear, invisible underground chambers, packed to the gills with secret machinery, sometimes quiet and slow, but always producing. Thanks for that.
At some point, need to figure out how to arrange my life such that I can enjoy more evening coffee, its magic transcends description, floating along on a cloud of private joy, hi down there. Was just out walking around trying to write in my head, fragments, gibberish, not the day for it, I guess. Was thinking about what a funny word 'pert' is, a cloud of senses not quite congealing in my head which nonetheless seem to refer to some single entity which I would be interested in getting to know better, I remember hearing the word 'foxy' in some old r&b song once and feeling that the singer had something much more definite in mind than I would, his delivery of the word splashing against my ear like a warm raindrop pregnant with the future, a world alive with sinuous, untrustworthy forms- they're looking at me.

A children's song I've been working on:

We fuck what we kill & we kill what we fuck
We want your vote in November cause we've got the right stuff
We're killfuckers, killfuckers

You get the idea, maybe you can write the rest before they get you.

Ah, 'One Piece' is on now, ridiculous 'rap' theme song reminds me of my childhood obsession with 'Going Berserk'. Everybody going berserk, going berserk, going berserk. Funny was just discussing Vikings earlier.
Just took Petya on a tour of quality valley shoppes so he could get bday cake & liquor & c. for upstate NY partying Russian style, I'm currently enjoying extravagantly sugary Indian confections & bing cherries, am experimenting with freezing Old Krupnik, will soon be much sweeter than you expect, diabetic or both, looking forward to a quiet night in, I think.

Slow day, quite a change, head still racing in perpetual panic state, the tribe must survive &, as usual, it's down to me, working out a root/berry gathering schedule, going through my references for appropriate rituals, watching the skies.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Neil's new house- just beautiful. Moving giant quantities of boxes there not so much.

Final TK show seemed very final, but nice, cool stuff, groovy tunes, nice folks, sniffle... oh well, no big deal, plenty worse to cry about & I will.

Wondering if I could spend every day this busy & survive, might give it a try.
About to go help some pals move, just started pouring, happy sysadmin appreciation day.

While walking P in sunshower a little while ago, young woman in slinky dress borrowed my leopard print lighter to singe the tips of her rainbow ribbon pin, hard to do with all the gusts. She gave me a little pink flyer for "OutSpoken: 'You Said What?!' A poetry slam to celebrate the release of 'The Q Files' a 'zine for queer youth activists" tonight at 7-9:30 in the Maplewood Shops, does that mean she likes me?

OK, off to tote & lift.
So, Polish Delicatessen in Enfield is indeed the home of the Pierogi Queen, huzzah! Also found some interesting info about Virginia Dare Korker, some of which I'm drinking right now. Word on the street is that Harmony Springs might be coming up for sale, considering buying it, commie water activists be damned.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

It's the humidity- bread loaves moldy after 2 days, no long walks = trapped inside my head, short walks with Peretz = sticky, itchy, icky. Sick of it, heading north, nice knowing you.

OK, so not really. Sticking with you, cause I'm made out of glue. At least it feels like it.
Very difficult to get any serious philosophizing done in this oppressive atmosphere, 'An Invitation to the Reinvigoration of Fundamental Schemata' may need to wait till the Fall, but then the harvest festivals will be calling. The intersection of five major sign systems isn't a very restful place, not complaining, mind. In the meantime, I've been roaming the Firmament in search of portents, doesn't look too good, I'm afraid, for any of us. My prescription- old-timey movies & strong drink. Typically, I've been subsisting on BBC mysteries & soda pop, no wonder I feel out of sorts.

Also drank about a quart of aronia berry juice earlier, think it may have made me a bit aronic, should pass soon.

While on the subject of secret signs & Santas (sorry if I frighten, my dyslexic friends), go see the last ever art show at Gallery TK in downtown Northampton tomorrow evening, 'Christmas is the new black', 8-11, video at 8:30, undoubtedly universally accessible dance music after, hurrah!- here's the advert:



After all that, I have a plan involving cartoon bunnies drawn with sidewalk chalk & necromancy if anyone's interested.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Found wandering countryside in a dazed state due to demands of work, subject is responding poorly to treatment, looks off into the distance, mumbles indistinctly about the little people.

Anybody want some baby bok choy?
Had a dream involving a room with 4 brightly colored toilets in it, 3 along one wall, one on a shorter adjoining wall. They all had removable grilles between seat and water. For some reason it makes me think of the children's punishment room at Jonestown.

On a related subject, anybody gotten organized yet to illegally take minors across state lines to get abortions without parental consent? Count me in, anyway. Maybe we should start a Myspace page.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Watching 'Wolf Creek' with T, annoying camera angles, somewhat suspenseful, our heroes are currently stuck by Wolf Creek Crater with their car battery mysteriously dead, lights are coming this way.

Spent most of the day as a computer configuration factory, bleary eyed.

Blueberry pierogies aren't as good as strawberry, still pretty darn good.
Woken up in the middle of the night with muscle cramp in foot, having trouble getting my head around the coming day. Going into work early to service difficult client, just want to be playing my new guitar.

Despite my misgivings about saying so, everybody should go check out Jack Rose at GalleryTK tomorrow night as it should be quite good & is their last music show ever, please don't not go just because I say to.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Just went to check out 'Horse' show at TK, mostly because Jess had described it to me as 'a bunch of stuff by pet painters.' And how. The horse ladies had shoved their coolers up against some of Jess's drawings, the wine helps them forget the smell of rotting meat that follows them around. Glanced at some children's novels from the Morgan Horse series, dig on the softcore horse porn.

Now that I've digested my dinner, enjoying a rising wave of pure hostility, come on, let's fuck shit up.
El Guranaco has once again turned my frustrated rage against the murderous stupidity everywhere to a mellow feeling of good will to all, also managed to find some blueberry pierogies at Food Fair in Chicopee, may soon go investigate the mysterious Polish Delicatessen/Pierogi Queen in Enfield from which these fruit pierogies appear to emanate. I like shiny objects and can be easily tricked with them into giving up things of great value, won't you come visit my island?

Sunday, July 23, 2006

So, some strawberry pierogies & Old Krupnik were almost enough to make me forget their crimes against my people, what will suffice to make you forget my people's crimes against humanity? Kasha varnishkas? My grandma made a mean baked rice pudding, coffee cake, mandelbrot... Just let me know, I feel pretty bad about it.
Listening to Chocolate Watch Band comp I just bought in an effort to feel less like trading myself in for a new model, not really working, may need to take more drastic steps like purchasing This Heat boxed set, oh, hell, maybe it's helping a little.
Just went for an extremely long walk with Peretz through the corn fields down by the river, watched the lines on the poles by the road dwindle down to one, then the poles stopped, even the little mountains made me feel very small, Peretz kept trying to pull out into the middle of the road, sweat soaking through the back of my yellow shirt. Considering uncoupling myself from the various communications networks, feel like a very badly behaved node doing nothing but sowing discomfort & confusion, sick of producing shadowy doppelgangers, uncanny simulacra, creaky automata everywhere I go, should spend some time spinning my little adding wheels without resistance, maybe write new system to permanent memory, reboot later.
Clean now, no thanks to you, reading about Socionics (not the psychological typology kind, the sociology/compsci interdiscipline kind), because I was thinking about scalability of social systems while showering. Anyway, looks like fun. When are we going to start building prototypes?
Just back from work, for some reason my cell wasn't working inside the server room today, walked outside & beep! strawberry pierogi brunch called off on account of rain, oh well, needed to do laundry anyway. Just got an email in response to birthday missive from my buddy Branka who I haven't communicated with in ages, sounds like she's doing more or less OK out in the northern wastes.

After getting rained on repeatedly yesterday in the clothes from Friday that I'm still wearing having fallen asleep in them watching cartoons, I'm very much in need of a wash & a change, anybody want to help?

Ongoing death & destruction in the news filling my head with unpleasant visions, for some reason the Indian cotton farmer suicide epidemic is particularly bumming me out. Fuck.

Saturday, July 22, 2006


He's a very expressive dog.
Go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place.

HAPPYPLACE

So made that soup, got local soda galore + Polish specialities + rye bread, good times, why do I feel so shitty?
While actually blowing people up as part of a large scale conceptual (meta)farce may have once been cutting edge, it no longer shocks or intrigues, please give it up, if you need ideas as badly as you seem to, I have lots of them regarding the interesting use of people, feel free to inquire. As a freebie teaser, how about an infinitely multiplied light comedy, lots of people up trees, confusions of identity, bungled late night breakins to recover misappropriated objects, wordplay, weddings & feasts, sounds fun, right?

Rainwater filtered through my sweaty hair makes my eyes burn. OK, going to experience more of that in my role of corporate dupe dutifully going to the recycling center.

Ah, last minute phone call delays my fate as tool of an unjust system, it's farmers' market and local soda before serving the propaganda needs of my sinister postindustrial masters.

Friday, July 21, 2006

OK, so guitar is very fun, didn't get a bunch of stuff I was planning to do done, need to take loud amplifier I bought along with it somewhere where I can play it loud. Just back from hour and a half long excursion with P, got my tupperware soup container back from Jess, going to make soup tomorrow, will probably just return it to her with more soup in it. She also gave me an ashtray which is a casting of a lower jaw that says 'you used me for an ashtray mouth' on it, if I give away enough soup, I may soon be the envy of collectors everywhere.

Should probably buy myself nice things more often as it is very enjoyable, not that I don't buy myself nice things generally, but I usually restrict myself to functional items like food & computers & books & music.

May go on excursion to Harmony Springs tomorrow, anybody want soda?
Finally went ahead & spent a bunch of money on musical equipment, always wanted a telecaster, what else can I get that I've always wanted?
Enjoying a protracted & late morning coffee, listening to disc 2 of 'Two Pus Two', a little less easy listening than the 1st, I think, so don't go expecting it in an elevator near you. Wow, track 8 sounds cool, beware the swarm, it's a storm of killer bees on attack. Think I'm going to make a cd of last night's show under the title 'Fill Inspector vs. Deck Erector, RIP Des Dekker', need to get my audio interface thingie back to do that, I guess.

I was trying to get a new outlook on things into shape recently, but it got sad & died.
Listening to new Laudable Pus double album 'Two Pus Two' courtesy of Joel, listened to tape of our show tonight before this, all seems pretty alright to me, should put it all up on the web some time probably, show was a good time even though nobody much came, Tatsuya Nakatani was something else, catch him if you can. Between music listening, took Peretz out, he was feverishly eating grass, hope he's OK. Got phone interviewed by Valley Free Radio after show, couldn't understand half of what the person on the other end was saying, no doubt made an ass of myself, expect to get dirty looks from leftosyndicalist types when walking in town, at least for a little while, oh, bother.

Going to go into work late tomorrow I think, maybe will get plenty o' sleep if the dog doesn't puke all over my bed.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Went to the Iron Horse after all, feel like Quisling:



Actually had quite the fun time, for a while, dug music, enjoyable interactions with people, had fun watching people, the normal kids get so dressed up to go out, much moreso than the people I know who go around in more obvious costume, every aspect of their presentation seems so calculated, on an apparently contradictory note, I also, somehow, had forgotten how awkward most college kids are, it's kind of sweet, really enjoyed one who was bobbing his head very enthusiastically, there was another one, all done up in a flapper costume, who looked incredibly nervous, twisting her hands together, standing behind a pole, walking back and forth, then her friend arrived & her face lit up, it was beautiful.

Anyway, a little while after the headliner came on I was totally overwhelmed by sadness & went home, there may be comfort somewhere, but not for me.
Just saw the last few minutes of 'Red Corner' (scroll to the bottom, then go back up as far as you dare) on TV, the writing was so terrifyingly bad I'm thinking of making a 24 hour loop of it and showing it to an audience dosed with ibogaine, together we can make change happen, won't you join me?
Just made some mole enchiladas & an arrugala salad with a lime/cilantro vinagrette, apparently I enjoy a wide range of bitterness midweek. On a lighter, sweeter note, really into Echo Farms butterscotch pudding lately, look!- spontaneous grassroots advertising:



Now how about selling it in large containers?

House party show later,

'Wed July 19 @ 8pm SHARP!
@ crystal/amy/donny's house
end of Bradford Ave, Noho.
Buzzard
Horse Spirit Penetrates
Gored By Buffalo
more philly insanity.
$5 donations style',

may provide excuse to continue my longstanding pattern of not patronizing the Iron Horse, in fact, overwhelmed by indecisiveness, I may go to neither & actually get some rest.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Psychantasy woman was doing door at Flywheel, when I asked her if she could please not stamp my hand, she said, "We're supposed to stamp your hand." Oh, well, good luck to her anyway. Sang a Frothy Shakes song with Moscow Mule again, a couple filthy hippie dudes complemented my singing after, awesome. Rest of show was pretty enjoyable, but I was kind of semiconscious, so don't take my word for it. I'm very sweaty, not trying to get you excited or anything, just saying.
OK, so the clusterfuck that was yesterday is now complete with my discovery that my tape recorder ate my tape of band practice, maybe it's time to get a new one, or a minidisc recorder, maybe?

Feel restless, want new music to listen to but don't want to bother looking for it, so send me some, you probably have better taste than me anyway.

Back to tuning the beloved spam filter.
So first morning with parents gone, everything's back to normal, feel very odd. Trying to get all the stuff at work that needs to get done straight, wondering if vacation was worth the trouble. Feel relatively rested, not used to it, making me feel slightly paranoid. Hope all the music will put be back in the swing of things.

Have lots of projects in my head, need to get better at setting aside time for them, tend to let reading/research eat up free time as it's easier to do when exhausted but already have too much information, should be making stuff. Will probably end up just making computer stuff as I lack work space for other sorts of things, makes me vaguely wish I were married (though not really) as I could then probably afford a house.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Just returned from journey through the night with spirit animal, can't believe how fucking disgusting it is out, had some nice chats with Tortoise & Baby Hippo and the other lovable creatures from my personal zodiac, while their messages weren't entirely clear through the haze, they still managed to straighten me out right & proper, next you see me I will no doubt be a lovingly drawn, old style dictionary illustration of gentle benevolence.

Till then, bear with me, I'm still mildly pissed about just about everything. And, while you're practicing forbearance, stop with the blowing people up for no reason, please, it makes me crazy.

Anyway, tons of shows coming up, my #1 fans Moscow Mule playing with snotty nosed punk kids from my home town tomorrow promises to be of deep but uncertain personal significance, Barn Owl & c. at Iron Horse should be awesome if I can stomach the sickly sweet smell of corruption emanating from the place, come see us play Thursday with hep drumming cats & I'll read your palm with a dazzling variety of poststructural approaches. Does the fun ever stop?
My spirit animal should be appearing any time now, ridiculously heavily seasoned fried rice began the sweat & band practice of total confusion prolonged it, I am now reclining observing the patterns normally only visible when my eyes are closed, been having conversations with various unfamiliar sign systems, ah, the spirit animal has arrived, barking percussively.
So my dad ended up leaving yesterday afternoon as he didn't want to spend another muggy night in his RV & I ended up needing to take my mom to the airport for her 7:30 am flight, not sure I will survive the day, rather than flowers, please send a donation to the charity of your choice.

Managed to outline vegetable usage plans in my mind while walking the dog last night, beyond that it's all speculation, but it's not looking good, I may need to take a break from the Music Appreciation Society, laundry needs doing, work is rapidly descending into the special form of hell I so richly deserve, that is, things keep coming up that prevent me from doing what i think I really should be doing, not nice for a Nervous Nellie like myself.

Experiencing severe time dilation while writing this, drinking coffee, should've been taking a three hour nap these past ten minutes.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Just put on P's new rabies tag, he's tired of jumping through all these bureaucratic hoops just so he can be a dog, never went in for agility training, just wants to go where he can be free.
Woken up absurdly early because my dad can't learn that tying his dogs up outside my house makes Peretz totally flip. Got most of my work for the day out of the way early anyway, should really go over server logs later, we'll see what happens. Listening to Israel Kamakawiwo'ole with my mom, the teacher from her class played his version of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' before one of his lectures, she's singing along with it now. RV is plugged into my house current, trying to figure out what sort of parent activities won't be very unpleasant given extreme heat & humidity, think we're going to Atkins to get more sugar free apple pie anyway. No sleep till Altamont.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

So some sinister character shut off the A/C in the new Amherst office & none of us knew how to turn it on, so Zombo it is. Several near brushes with death/maiming which, sadly, didn't quite pan out- falling monitor, head trauma, the usual. I think everything is ready for our beloved reporting staff to move in on Monday, ooooooom-ray.

Parents will be arriving shortly, going to head back to Amherst to meet them for dinner in a little bit, just did a bit of rehydration via tangerine juice, going to go walk the dog & get dehydrated again.

Let's do the poetry of the unconscious
like the kids are shaking it,
yeah, shaking it!
Deform the obsolescents &
shake it again,
in snake line formation,
joining our precious hands.


Peretz & I travel the wilderness in search of the new, won't you join us? You're also welcome to play the role of the discovered new, if that's more your bag.
Outlook for day looks positively dreadful as brief walk with dog left me feeling like I'd been dipped in shit, then hosed down with a jet of steam, after all the load-lifting, bale-toting for work today I should be ready to make appearances as Zombo, King of the Dead, at children's parties & other outdoor functions (indoor appearances by Zombo require your signature on a brief disclaimer).

Endless activities with parents look to be replaced with endless rock show attendance in the coming week, might even go to the despicable Iron Horse for the first time in over 10 years, like Dooley says, we don't know how good we've got it, an embarrassment of riches. Anyway, kids, no need to be bored- it was easy, it was cheap, go & do it.

In other news, this picture of me:



was copied from my blog & posted on the door of the server room, thanks, Boss, I really enjoy the concerned inquiries.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Enjoying my first block of dead time in ever so long, crappy tv blaring away, random web perusal, feel wiped out, euphoric, kind of achy. Show was hot but fun, lots of nice sounds to make me forget. What? I forgot.

Worked about ten hours today trying to catch up on stuff that built up while I was away while also doing the stuff I rushed back to do, more of that on for tomorrow, not till noon though, so can sleep in, if I can somehow manage it.

Eyes watering from exhaustion, ok, 'Tracks of my Tears' v. 'Tears of a Clown', who will win?
T's trying to get me to blog about the Zidane debacle at the World Cup, I'm back home all right. Sadly, not much to say about it, even having seen it with both English & French commentary, sorry. Feel very out of it, perfect mindset for making sensitive network changes, coffee is helping a little. Weird to have internet back, one of these days will work out what effects this damn thing has had on my consciousness, etc.

Show tonight at Flywheel, hopefully won't be too pooped to enjoy it. OK, off to work.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Sang myself a little hoarse on the drive home, he's very sweet-tempered, I think I might keep him. Left way too late due to pressures of holiday fun, got back in record time, patches of heavy fog made last bit of trip exciting, may survive work tomorrow after all. Peretz & I both needed to pee real bad on arrival, in a fit of chivalry, I let him go first. Face flushed, severe eye strain, which, if you for some reason needed it, further demonstrates, considered in tandem with my current staring at computer screen, my compulsive dedication to you, my imaginary readers.

My recent limited efforts to dump the excessive constancy thing have proven a wash, at least that's the conclusion I came to while driving & singing, so put any hopes you might have had for a fascinatingly mercurial new me to rest, seems the grim & saturnine old reliable is here to stay, crap. Not that any of you could possibly be any sicker of it than I am. Kisses.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

For a seemingly endless cavalcade of holiday snaps, click on the elderly dog looking out the window.

Wasn't going to bother with the dicey rural Maine internet situation, but as it turns out my mail server is down & I'm checking on it. Was really looking forward to settling in after long night at parents' friends' house, terrifying drive home in dark rain with my dad making sudden loud coughing/gagging noises in my ear. Sitting in my car across the street from SW Harbor Public Library, it's pouring rain, very romantic, but long distance relationships with mail servers can be very stressful.
10:44 pm, 7/10

Took a bath, looked at the deep orange full moon, did a couple more drawings, a little automatic writing, had a coke. Have a little bit of a sunburn, should probably actually use sunscreen no matter how much I hate it.

It was very strange at Otter Point earlier, heavy fog just a short way from shore, extremely bright sun directly overhead, there was so much glare off the fog it was extremely hard to look at, but so diffuse it didn't seem like glare at all, maybe it's called something else in those circumstances?

New Jerseyites who cut in front of me in line at the lobster pound were discussing their recent sales tax increase, Hubby #1 was telling the wives how the Times was calling it a 17% increase because it went from 6 cents to 7 cents, no, 6% to 7%, said Hubby #2, wives wanted to know if it was 7% or 17%, Hubby #2 explained that 1% was 1/6 of 6% or about a 16% increase, I was glad when they were gone.

Finished my children's book, might go back to reading 'Dhalgren', but kind of wish I just had another children's book.

4:53 pm,7/11

Low key day, went around & did not much of anything, dogs seemed to have fun, spent a little time shopping for trinkets to bring people, didn't find much of anything. Was going to go for a late afternoon swim, but it looks like rain, so maybe not.

Feel like vacation is already over, still a ways to go really, my sense of time is very unpleasantly & non-consensually fucked.

8:36 pm, 7/11

Went out with my mom to bookstore while my dad napped, got a Vernor Vinge book, she got some notecards and a map. Downpour started while we were in there, we both got pretty wet looking at a waterfall. Went by the Southwest Harbor P.O. to mail some postcards she'd written, I had to kind of hunch over them while putting them in the mailbox to keep the ink from running, then went to get coffee & cookies, then a takeout pizza from a bakery/pizza place. Detachedly jealous of the fresh-faced, sporty, all-American kids who came in in a happy, Patagonia-clad group, made me wish I'd thought of having some clam chowder & beer as well. The pizza guy burned his first attempt at making us a pizza while chatting up one of the sporty sweet young things, and when a woman who worked there gave me a complimentary cookie for the inconvenience, she asked me if she'd seen me at the bookstore earlier and I said, 'what, the anarcho-luddite bookstore around the corner?' and she said 'I work there' as though I'd said something mildly offensive. Pretty sure it is an anarcho-luddite bookstore, maybe she thought I was against that sort of thing? Just so you know, I'm not, in fact if there's any remote collectivist encampments in need of a sysadmin with more than 15 years experience in the systematic critique of technological society, drop me a line (not if there's yeast cheese involved, definitely yes if you make either goat or sheep milk cheese, anyway let me know). Singularity is coming, shall we do something fun before?

10:41 pm, 7/11

Was just drinking Vinho Verde with my mom, eating crostini, feeding some to dogs, dogs also chewing contentedly on marrow bones, ended badly with Peretz spotting giant moth on outside of glass sliding door (~5" wingspan) & going completely fucking bananas trying to get at it, getting him back to my cabin was a bit of a challenge.

Earlier uploaded vacation snaps to my computer, will put them up on Flickr or some such at some point when I am no longer in the outer darkness. Even without internet, laptop is pretty alright, listening to Phil Ochs, once everybody gets one, we'll take over, OK?

8:04 am, 7/12

Woke up with tiny itchy sores on the tips of my right middle finger & toe, probably my mystical body trying to emerge. P didn't start trying to wake me up as early as usual for this trip, probably because it's overcast & parents & their dogs wake with the sun. Got dressed to the sounds of 'Alone Again/Or' pouring from my mischievous laptop, who will feel better at the days end? Not me, my friend, not me. Drinking cold coffee, a cold comfort, ah well, life rolls merrily along.

1:26 pm, 7/12

Hash and eggs, bought art supplies salt water taffy & souvenirs, snapshots on the rockbound coast, bought rare books, picked up stuff for a picnic later, after swimming. Can't spend too long writing or the tour director will get upset. Dinner at my mom's friend Jane's house later, hopefully will be mostly bearable. Hope to get swimming in before the forecasted thunderstorms. I am a being of pure light, so don't look for too long.

4:24 pm, 7/12

Pepper jumped out of rv, landing on my sandaled foot & I screamed like a little girl being set alight by her crazy uncle. Still kind of hurts, somehow didn't break the skin.

Monday, July 10, 2006

OK, after fruitless efforts to use 2 different public libraries wireless networks, I'm just using some random one I came across, here's some stuff I wrote over the past couple of days.

---

10:40 pm, 7/9

Kind of enjoying being relatively incommunicado, writing this in a text editor on my totally unnetworked laptop, I think it's feeling a lot worse about the situation than I am, not getting the attention it's used to. Actually left my cell behind when I went out to go swimming earlier, can't remember last time I did that, maybe not since having one. Besides swimming, did a wide variety of vacation activities, blueberry pancakes, startlingly beautiful meadow by lake with dogs, afternoon popovers in another meadow by another lake, wandering around on a mountaintop, reading children's book, doing crossword. There was some dog behavioral unpleasantness over soup bones earlier, everyone seems to be over it now.

In a tiny one room cabin with Peretz, who's hunting bugs, his sudden head movements are pretty distracting- anyway, going to go back to my children's book, will probably keep adding to this until I get around to going by the Southwest Harbor Public Library to use their wireless network, oh, hilarious article in the local paper today with owner of pay wireless access cafe giving 'technical' reasons why the city of Bar Harbor putting open access points in parks is a bad idea.

7:43 am, 7/10

Peretz likes to get up early while on vacation. I don't so much. Need to go buy some better coffee at some point. Overly complex multilevel deck here, going to break something going to pee one of these nights.

My mom just brought me some toast, it's taking some of the edge off my vacation fun hangover. People keep coming by outside looking for me with more toast, better go.

3:30 pm, 7/10

Spent the morning doing dog activities, watching huge waves crash against rocky coast, eating fish 'n' chips. Got some non-Folger's coffee which I should probably make some of. Just drew a few drawings with pens, pencils & paper I bought earlier. Cleared my head nicely, something about being stressed out by vacation demands & there being regular Joe American tourists everywhere I go gets me even more filled with dissatisfaction & longing than usual. Going to try to write some postcards now.

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Actually wrote a few postcards, will probably go have a lobster roll in a little while, love to all from me & Peretz.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

The difficulties of portraying superhuman and genuinely alien intelligences in fiction continue to preoccupy me, no doubt about it, it's a hard problem, but one I think it's worth paying attention to & not just because it's a situation we're likely to be dealing with in the near future, confrontations (& sometimes friendly get togethers) between humans and genuinely incomprehensible situations & actors have been on the upswing for some time now, it's time to get serious about it. One step toward getting this on the road is to get it through the thick head of our popular culture that if the aliens invade, we are going to lose & big time. Incomprehensibilty, inevitable defeat, you can see why this stuff appeals to me.

OK, need to go get some work done, pack, put some oil in my car & get rolling. Where I'm going, the computer networks are pretty much made of sticks & twine, so I'll talk to you when I talk to you.

Friday, July 07, 2006

A combination of extreme sleepiness & having just viewed this animation led to some very intense experiences of the volumes of trees just now. Also ran into some kids very fucked up on something, rapping about chopping heads, on the 'Dirty Needles' path, one said, in passing, "I admire the look of your dog." Me too, man, me too.

Was playfully suggesting assigning myself the role of tastemaker & arbiter of cool earlier, of course, on an apropriately esoteric reading, I already am these things & more. "Wanna be a member, wanna be a member?" Also interesting talk of paranoia with J & E earlier, maybe 'A Scanner Darkly' will be on at the movie theater with pizza in Bar Harbor.



Is Mercury in the ascendant or what?
So, Hampshire College fundraisers, you've just earned a lifetime (likely short, granted) "go fuck yourself" from this up and coming young IT professional, I guess by 'experiential education' you folks mean exposing kids to enough short-sighted bureaucratic horseshit that the real world comes as no surprise, maybe that's worthwhile, but I certainly have no interest in supporting it. Wealthy patrons of the arts- why not give these people some money so I don't have to, or, if there's anybody else here with a real job, let's form a consortium. I don't want to have to drive to NYC to see paintings that aren't landscapes. Going to go salt my bean soup with tears of impotent rage now.
OK, while I'm being mildly abusive, I'd like to add that tragedy by definition needs to center on a person of importance, making the only appropriate contemporary setting for it a narcissistic fantasy landscape. For a more realistic approach to experience, I'd suggest familiarizing yourself with the darker comic and/or horror genres. For more utopian mindsets or contexts, try light opera or screwball comedy. If you absolutely must have your weepies, please confine yourself to melodrama (see Stanley Cavell's 'Contesting Tears' for helpful pointers).

Also, on a related note, I'd really like to go to this event on August 4th. 'High Sign' is one of the greatest flims ever made & Jim Woodring is a personal hero, so if anybody wants to come with & be better for it, I'd be happy to buy you a ticket & probably dinner.
Out of work early, just putting beans on to soak for soup later. Goodbye party for one of my co-workers I'm most fond of, she'll be in early next week, but I won't, who'll stop the unnecessary late night support calls now? Listening to the Electric Eels, disasters are good for you! Sound advice, sorry if it's unsolicited. Did I mention how much people need to fucking lighten up & get a sense of humor? Really it makes everything tons better, but feel free to ignore what I say if you want, you're the ones who'll be paying the price for it...(kisses, sweetums)

Beautiful day for a walk with the dog, a walk to the library, a walk to the bakery, a closer walk with thee. Maybe will get a sandwich at one of our fine local dining establishments (your ad here, contact for low, low rates).

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Just ran into the guy (OK, Russ, his name is Russ) who was buying the Frothy Shakes record at the Distort Grand Opening, he's found a place to live & die in L.A. he seems happy with, told me a little about his partner's work with fabrics, will maybe send me some pictures later, groovy. Didn't realize how tired I was till I went out for walk, almost fell over a couple times, would just go to sleep now if it didn't mean I'd wake up at 1 am, unable to fall back asleep, slowly sinking into total despair. Hazy, fuzzy, listening to Magazine & the air conditioner, maybe the reason I have so much trouble falling asleep is that I get a lot of decadent, sensuous enjoyment out of being sleepy. Making an astonishingly large number of typos, guess I'll need to give up on that secretarial job I've been coveting, think I'd be really into being chased around the desk, seemed like a great person to work for, suddenly all hands.

Hoping to get some more legit writing, perhaps drawing, done while in Maine, but think it's unlikely to happen. Last year when there barely managed to squeeze in some postcards, will be there slightly longer this time but a novella is still probably out of the question. Maybe a few one act plays & some set mockups? A slim volume of love poetry with illustrations by the author? Set Virginia Woolf's suicide note to music?
Taking a breather from an afternoon at home reading Highly Technical Materials, working at home is nice, listening to music, dog seems very relaxed in his bed area. Went on longish walk with him on lunch break, in the course of that delivered ~12 paper bags w/ handles to Jess for use in move per her request. Making food plans for time leading up to departure, looks like spicy asian noodle thing today, spicy bean soup tomorrow, ha-cha-cha. Trying to convince myself vacation will be fun & not just stressful, as the prospect is, in fact, just stressful, this isn't easy. It will in fact probably be fun.

Back to the diagrams and overlengthy/overterse explanations, see you on the flip side.
More rested now, though not by much. Oncoming vacation making me a deer in its headlights. Been watching bits of 'Undeclared' with T, nowhere near as successful as 'Freaks and Geeks', the stereotypes aren't as uncomfortably close to reality and the broader humor makes a louder clunk when it falls flat, but basically OK. Need to work more music into my day-to-day activities. Yesterday was reading this, and while I take Nick's point, I think the situation (not the situation in Austin, which I know nothing much about, but the situation in general) is more complex than he makes out, that is, I don't think sociality surrounding musical performances is necessarily at odds with esthetic appreciation, sure, chatty people at shows can be annoying, people only going to their friends' shows or shows where their friends are going is even more annoying, but one of the strengths of music as a medium is its capacity for shared involvement- oh, whatever, need to go to work.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Got about 3 1/2 hrs sleep last night due to recurrent muscle cramp in right calf, went into work early to do some stuff for another business we do support for & the person there wouldn't let me do my job right, in fact she insisted I do it totally wrong, this left me in a pretty sour mood for the rest of the work day. Got out early, went & picked up vegetables from farm share, variety is increasing with the sustained heat, had to face the reality that there was no way I could use them all in the few days I'll actually be here this week, distributed a large portion to various deserving parties. Made a spicy cole slaw. Went accordion shopping with Emily & she actually bought one, achieving a childhood dream apparently, got her a celebratory bottle of Old Krupnik, should go well with turnips, if I ever achieve my childhood dream, you will be able to tell by my no longer being accessible from this reality. On the way back from the accordion dealer's told sordid stories of my childhood friend Debbie- qualuudes, spaghetti-os, intense sexual longing, falls down flights of steps, secret suburban nightmare, blueberry muffins, teen pregnancy, waitressing at TGI Friday's, etc., etc. She was a sweet girl that I was very fond of, but don't go down that road, OK?

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Half moon behind a knotted mass of cloud, then sailing free, close encounter with a feisty Pekinese, beetle tangled in my hair, middle aged Chinese man on cell phone squatting in the driveway wearing nothing but too tight short shorts, need to pee, 'Underwater Moonlight' playing, T's flossing, should sleep, but might have dreams.

Low level floating terrors swag on the deep, low growls demand attention. Lo!
So, yeah, it wasn't as fun as yesterday, still was OK, had a root beer, Tim has made tiny stickers of me on a white background from the picture below, one of which is now (precariously?) affixed above the trash can at Flywheel, appropriate.



Anyway, got in a pretty weird mental state walking the dog before the show, mostly about how everything at all good or fun or satisfying that happens feels like a surprising & total victory given the overwhelming superiority of the forces of evil and their inevitable triumph. It's actually quite dizzying all the fun stuff that must be happening, almost all of which I know nothing about. Was thinking about lots of other stuff as well, can't reconstruct any of it too well at this point, but overall, dazzling bright spots on a field of perfect darkness & absolute contentment floating in a limpid pool of nervous terror, can you see it in my eyes? Look closer.
Big day for using up vegetables, salad, stir fry, all the vitamins & fiber hopefully filling in the void where my soul should be. Found some old powered speakers & have been playing with AirTunes, wheeeeeeee. Went on extremely sweaty outing to the levee with P, he kept trying to walk out in the street. Going out to see more music later, won't be as fun as yesterday due to worrying about going to work early tomorrow. Upcoming vacation is beginning to really upset me, would be nice if I could go somewhere some time without that happening, not much chance of that, I'm afraid. All sorts of shows I could be performing at/attending if I weren't leaving Saturday, horribly time-constrained thing to do at work the following Saturday that I'm increasingly feeling I won't have adequate time to prepare for as things keep coming up. Too much dread, disappointment, yuck.
Laundry underway, went out with Peretz into the muggy morning air listening to the opening strains of 'The Fat Lady of Limbourg', today is going to be fantastic. Feeling not so fresh, need to work in a shower some time. Talking with T about open casket funerals, neither of us like them very much, very different reactions otherwise.

Just renewed a slew of domains, nothing like spending money on not much of anything, would rather be buying you dinner, darlings. Going to go put shirts in the dryer now.
Horchata is indeed the magic nectar, still rolling on it, had fun at show, some pleasant chats, nice not to worry about getting enough sleep, didn't even much mind getting called by work in the middle of very enjoyable out of town band's set, the paper must flow. Enjoying the sound of distant thunder, strangely dry eyes, a euphoric quality to sleepiness without early morning commitments, oh yeah, instep still hurts.

Trying to make some vague holiday plans but nothing is happening, probably for the best.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Alarmingly harsh day at work with hardware/software chaos on server front, involving multiple trips to Amherst in blasting heat, reboots of servers which should have been in serious use at the time, untangling of mangled data flows, etc. Should have known things were going south when I came in to discover users had horribly fucked up printer over the weekend only to have other users fuck it up even worse trying to fix it. Could use being surrounded by houris w/ peacock fans, rosewater ices, but, as one destined never to be nestled close to the infinitely-nippled, thousand-named bosom of Allah, will have to settle for a burrito, horchata & my own company. Hopefully that will be enough to make me no longer feel like I've received several kicks to the temple & I can enjoy the loud, abrasive music I was planning on enjoying later. Need to make a return trip to work before that, of course, for further unbuggering of our precious network systems.

Parents left for Maine this morning, would be looking forward to some peace & quiet if this work stuff wasn't whispering demoniacally in my ear, "No peace for you, for you are one of damn├ęd ones..."

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Made excursion to MassMoCA with parents, dogs, earlier. Can't say I was all that into anything on display, my dad's attempts at whimsical philistinism were still pretty grating. Also sick of hearing about how everything's got sugar in it. Still, provided an excuse to recharge rv batteries, look at the pretty hills. I am also now a member of the museum again, so I can go & be kind of unimpressed whenever I feel the urge. Feeling vaguely like I should really have gone out there yesterday, seen Mission of Burma.

Extreme humidity has left me feeling like a washed out ravine, little animals just coming out of their holes now, looking around tentatively.
"No blind spots in leopards' eyes..." that's the right way to start my mini work day, just beautiful. Actually got enough sleep, ready to get on with being a sword of harsh chastisement. So more of the heightened consciousness & less of the narcissism & yes, I'm talking to you (but not you, my celestial ones, oh! form in your endlessly arrayed choirs to sing 'Good Morning to You" once more).

More chilly than usual in the server room & I've got a manner to match. Looking for a particularly cutting assessment of your character flaws? Door buster specials!!!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Really fucking exhausted, expect erratic behavior, violent outbursts. Pity we don't have a show tomorrow, I'd probably do something so messed up everyone in attendance's minds would be permanently blown & for the better. Just walked to the store with Peretz to buy cigarettes, he got some scratch tickets with money he made selling stuff online, who knew some bundles of sticks were collectible?

No time to think, time to act, but I'm having stomach cramps (J, E, not your fault, was happening before I got to your house) so it will have to wait. Lovely cookout, do wish my dad wouldn't try to get all his talking for the week in at one sitting, Harmony Springs 7 oz sodas = the bomb, very reasonably priced too, apparently.

1/2 passed out on couch watching 'Casanova' with T, bad British accents were apparently quite in vogue in the Venice of his day, not much libertinage as yet, all yak yak yak.
Carried heavy luggage, negotiated complex dog social situations, picked berries in the blazing sun, fixing to die now. Berry quality is very uneven due to all the heavy rain, not sure it was worth the effort. Maybe I should have a soda.

At least all the activity is somewhat distracting, but kind of want to get back to my bleak & meaningless norm. P seems fully recovered from vet experience, very happy to visit with Berkeley & Pepper, resting on his bed now.

Feel pretty good about getting that Italian stuff up, we've been being pretty low key about putting new stuff up there for a while, always nice to pile things up in a big pile.
Italian noise music accomplished. Also walked dog, had breakfast with my dad, going to fetch my mom from her now completed program, then going to pick berries.
Despite my plans for catching up on sleep, woke up suddenly a little while ago, it sucks. Maybe will use the extra time to get that Italian noise music up and available for the huddled masses. Other programs to promote international friendship to follow. Calling international rescue, no one else can save us like you do.

Getting the world reassembled like I like it is hard work, could use some assistance. For instance, it would really help if you guys in the riot gear would stop stomping on the little broken bits with your jackboots.

It's been a rough spring for baby animals, too many of them, due to mild winter, I guess, keep coming across dead ones I need to drag Peretz away from. Oh shit, now I've got "We Gotta Get Out of This Place" sung in cartoon baby voices stuck in my head.