Used to feeling like a deeply flawed tool in the hands of forces not of my own making, not so good at being a counter in someone else's game, a sign or marker in an interpretive strategy, shuffled to the bottom of the deck again.

Being used to calibrate someone else's sense of acceptable cruelty really sucks, no matter how necessary I think it is. I'm probably well-suited to the role in any case, unusual detachment from being hurt makes it pretty easy for me to be clear about the nature and extent of injury. Would probably be best if I could look at it as a temporary transfer from the Hammer & Screwdriver Dept. to the Bureau of Weights & Measures.

Peretz seems to be doing a lot better, he flipped out pretty badly just before bedtime last night, stayed with me all night, seems pretty normal this morning, maybe a little hungrier than usual.