Thought maybe some food would make me feel better, it just gave me energy to feel worse, now experiencing rapidly escalating panic episode, hopefully will manage to fall asleep at some point, would be nice if I could then stay asleep for a week or so, be fed through tube. Just feeling incredibly sick of everything and useless. All sorts of things I'd like to be doing, just too down to set myself to working on them, even if I did, under the circumstances they would turn out crappy.

Feel guilty that I spent too much of the day away from Peretz, he's been in a strange mood & T's gone away to a wedding on Long Island so I'm his only company, kept wanting to be outside & by myself, so he was stuck inside by himself a lot, doesn't seem too pleased about it.

Oh well, should probably stop writing this and get back to the despair.