So went out to show in midst of escalating panic episode, & first of all, if I talked to you or communicated with you in the past few hours in a way that freaked you out, sorry. Anyway, just got worse & worse, really couldn't enjoy the music, finally ended up on the floor playing with a puppy that seemed a lot like a Peretz/Labrador love child, made me feel a lot better, pretty relaxed, actually was really digging music that was happening. When the music stopped, crashed in a big way, went home despondent, wish I could curl up & cry in the basement but it's still damp & there's a giant dehumidifier running, not sure how much more of this I can stand, probably an unlimited amount, actually, which is even more upsetting than the alternative. It's almost impossible to accept that this is just going to keep happening to me over & over though I know perfectly well it will. Would be nice if I knew anybody who actually knew how to be helpful in these situations & also wanted to, sadly these groups appear to be disjoint. If any of you happen to be in either of these groups, I don't blame you a bit either way as I am both unnecessarily difficult to comfort & not really worth the effort. Anyway, help help help, I've fallen down a well with no bottom & it's scary in here. I'm already too far down to pull back up anyway, never mind, never mind. Just a tiny squeaking dot, squeak, squeak.