Managed to take P for a longish walk in the woods, hope that does him for the day, don't think I have another in me.

Was thinking highly self-critical thoughts on walk, wishing I was better at being innocuous, less self-assertive. Being critical & intellectually aggressive are things I'm good at, hard not to do, even if there's no point. Good at other things too, should stick to those, perhaps. It's worse with people I feel very close to, of course, treat them more like I treat myself in those respects, sometimes feel like it's the respectful thing to do, sometimes think it's stupid. Important to me to try to be honest about certain things when I think people will understand, really wish I could be nicer about it, end up being much nicer to people I care nothing about, it's fucked up. Might be OK if I ever ended up caring much about anybody that wasn't pretty fragile, doesn't seem to be my thing. Shit.

Thought about some other stuff too, always ended up in the same place. Shit, shit, shit.

Would very much like to be watching bad scifi television shows, none to be had.

Anyway, if it doesn't seem like it sometimes, I almost certainly think you're the cat's pjs. Sorry about that.