Got server up & running I'd been wanting to get up & running, drinking some coffee, trying to feel less like the walls are closing in, should probably go for a walk or something. Keep feeling like there's somebody behind me, basket case, unlovable.

Being crazy like this actually makes me better at my job I think, better at some other things too, but really hard to deal with in some ways, sorry. The last thing I want is to be hard to deal with, can't have everything.