When you're used to not wanting much of anything, suddenly finding yourself wanting certain things very much is difficult and confusing. There are things I want very much that I can't have, other things I want very much that I have no control over. The second is worse than the first, the first would be no problem if I hadn't stupidly allowed myself to become hopeful, the second requires me to be either stupidly hopeful or indifferent if I don't want to feel afraid all the time, trying for the stupidly hopeful, mostly feeling afraid all the time.

Can't shake this chill with blanket and dog, hot shower is called for, I think.

Got a little overwhelmed by policy mappings and spent some quiet time catching up on work spam and work things spam-related remotely. Strangely comforting.