Back from one last trip, for the day anyway, into the cold wet with Peretz. Something about cold rain intensifies his interest in standing stock still looking at the ground for long periods. My joints ache, getting old.

I really don't know how to describe what's been going on with me, I'd say shell shock, but having seen the real thing, it's not that, I'm pretty avoidant in some ways, but not avoidant enough to pull that off. Anyway, it's pretty damn bad and I'm less sure all the time that it's going to go away. Should probably just learn to deal with it & be more careful with my feelings in future.

It would be nice if I could think I'm being exaggeratedly pessimistic about this stuff, my assessments tend to run more to the painfully accurate, unfortunately.