When I finally went to bed last night, felt like I was being dragged down into a deep well, having trouble pulling myself out of it this morning. Kind of wish I could be asleep most of the time, not really possible, don't stay asleep easily. Feeling like I've seen too many sad things and understood them too clearly, feel pretty haunted.

Trying to make myself comfortable with my sense of responsibility again, it's tempting when things blow up in my face like they have to withdraw and forget about that sort of stuff, but it's worse for me to have nothing to care about than to care about things I can't do anything about, a lot worse, actually. Wish my motivations were a bit more normal, no sign of them becoming that way, I can live with it.