I've been learning about a new sort of sadness, total, absolute, it comes and goes, always promising to come back soon. A desolation, a place where the bombs of my childhood dreams fell and kept falling, death a feeble Doppelgänger of clarity or understanding. I'm a mess.
That said, I was just out with Peretz exploring the plow-built snow piles, finding things, jumping around, nearly slipping on the ice, breathing the cold night air, looking at the stars. We're together on the couch now, him resting his head on my leg, looking into the distance, me crying.
Peace & love.