Lots on my mind, nothing much to say about it. Been going here and there, doing lots of things, not much to say about it.

Peretz seems older and frailer all the time.

Spent most of the last week with an odd cold, the main symptoms of which were extreme sleepiness and a cloudy head. Frustrating to not be able to get much work done, finding most things frustrating lately, so rarely feel in the swing of things, bored, unmotivated.

Nice quiet morning doing nothing much. Should arrange more of same. Dogs like it. I like it.

Just spoke briefly with Chris, sounds like he's making serious efforts to arrange interesting musical activities for Jen & me in Nashville. Nice folks always nice.

Rainy, drear, I like it.

OK, no more beautiful salt marsh to gaze upon, back to work.

Hectic day yesterday of packing, driving, unpacking, garden party, show then another show. Really nice to come back to so many delightful friends.

Peretz seems to appreciate the return to familiar surroundings.

So, breakfast, work, work, work.

In an outrageously pleasant and palatial house on a cove in Wellfleet- lovely amusing people, frolicking dogs, extremely tasty food.  Had, for example, a particularly delightful plate of halibut sashimi with a light yuzu sauce. Head intermittently filled with horrific nightmare images, couldn't ask for a nicer spot for it.

Difficult day, particularly at work, lots of fear and trembling. L. is making pasta with red sauce, farm share peppers. Should probably open an all night soda shop.

While there are always pretty major gaps between my rich inner life and what I am able to successfully express, as I suppose there are with everyone, mine seem particularly overwhelming to contemplate lately, much less try to bridge, though I've been doing quite a lot of both, to the exclusion of other things I should really be doing, honestly.

I've been very unsettled all summer, having difficulty concentrating, eagerly jumping into any activity that has me out and moving around. That's been fairly productive artistically, I guess, to the neglect of everything else.

Spent time looking at some old photos with T just before she left for the airport, I looked so calm and pleasant at 25 or whatever, I imagine I mostly look like that now as well.  Anyway, like I say, major gaps.  Night before that, she was over at the house, visiting with Peretz.  Realistically, it's likely to be their last visit. He's in the kitchen having some water now.

We did a lot of recording in a fancy recording studio last week, results sound pretty neat, lots of mixing to do.

Need to buy coffee, dog food, pick up farm share, maybe I'll even manage to cook some of it.

Kept up late by panic attack, pretty extreme foot & leg discomfort.

Sweating at desk, periodically stretching crampy foot.

Picnic later, then tedious NYC.

Show in Brooklyn tomorrow I've been dreading, will be good to done with it.

It's funny to periodically realize that I have no idea how I'd actually like to be treated.  Ridiculous, really.

Hurt my left foot the other day, sick of limping.

Got T. from the airport this AM, then took a long nap, first successful nap in many days of wanting a nap.  Got asked a lot of questions regarding conspiracy theories.  I am not an enthusiast.

Too much art, sleepy. Last night, screaming in the Boston Common with foil wrapped around my head.

Made some cuminy potato salad, bacony kale.

Keep trying to nap, but it isn't working.

If anyone ever proposes to you that you should play a bunch of shows late at night as the tail end of your relaxing vacation while having farewell breakfasts and shuttling people to and from the airport and so forth, think about it carefully. I'm not saying don't do it, but, boy am I tired.

Vacation was pretty damn swell and so was the exhausting flurry described above, honestly. Chris came up from Nashville to play with us, got to take him and Jen on whirlwind tour of Mt. Desert, lots of nice, somewhat intense chats, pretty damn swell.

Bit of a slow reentry to work, but honestly, who fucking cares? Band chili/listening party later.

Peretz seems to have really enjoyed what will in all likelihood be his last Maine vacation, can't tell you how much that pleases me.  We're on the couch now, me typing, him cleaning his forepaws.

Maine family vacation, synthesizers, lobster stew, foggy mountaintop, long nap, satellite Internet. These remarks come to you via outer space, very slowly.

Peretz is confused by the whole upstairs/downstairs business. New stairs are scary stairs, poor blind pup.

My dad is already ill, vacation doesn't agree apparently.

Drowning in molasses, slow, sickly sweet. Friday can't come soon enough.

Planned work for fall has evaporated, more running about, less peaceful home-bound typing for me, I guess.

Really very tired, looking at database schemata not really working out. Instead chatting with pal about songs of unrequited love and heartbreak. The areas of my expertise & c.

Need to start reading or at least watching movies with more regularity, keep skip skipping about like a waterbug.

Really lack adequate resources to cope with feeling sad, crap.

Late night last night, went with parents to visit their now New England dwelling former colleagues, nice, hot, donburi, gelato, got home late, tired, tired equals sad.

Absent-mindedly forgot it was Tuesday so didn't pick up farm share until after midnight, who knows when I'll cook any of it.  If absence makes the heart grow fonder, I must be the sweetest guy in town.

Folks are here visiting, it's nice.  I've scratched a bug bite on my foot to the point that it quite hurts, don't remember doing that.

Going to be another scorcher.  Quick trip to Hanover later.

Gets tiresome being this affectionate, or maybe it's just the sleep deprivation.

Nice mountaintop party, quite a crowd, big explosions, enormous slip n slide, etc. Pretty scaled up, all in all.

I am unnecessarily cryptic, but necessarily so also, bit hard to sort out.  Not really worth the effort.

Before party, went & saw some nice art.

Feeling a bit like I've woken from a five year sleep.  Everything confuses me.  So much is like a strange or bad dream, to wake up to that is fundamentally pretty confusing.

So that's two five year sleeps now, roughly a quarter of my life, half my adult life, spent in a manner quite alien to how I normally am, but if it's half the time, well, it's basically two aliens facing each other over a table and normal really doesn't come in to it.

At least I always love music, just got home from hearing some nice music.

Peretz doesn't bump into things nearly as much as one might expect given the chaos that is our home, but he has gotten very tentative about jumping down from the couch.

Really nice music outside last night at the Book Mill, more outside music.

Awaiting results of further blood work.

Feeling much like I've been beaten with the heavy sticks, but basically cheerful and alert.

Peretz continues with the nasty pills, we are to confirm that his water consumption has fallen below 2 liters/day before he gets to stop, average dog water consumption monitoring program being instituted on the assumption that Pickles consumes at a normal rate.  I am somewhat uncomfortable with this assumption.

Weird little advisory trip to a coop just north of the Jersey border tomorrow, may visit relatives, purchase bagels, etc.

Overdid it a bit last night & knee is more sore than it has any need to be. Went over to friends' house, set up some synths, made 48 steamed buns, 32 with smoked pork and relish, 16 with banana, almond butter and cream cheese, then rushed down to band practice, knee stiffening to the point of discomfort at roughly 25 minute intervals.  Got home too tired to cope.

Back to work from pain vacation today, not dreading it as much as I expected.

Chris is coming up to play drums with us on a short tour at the beginning of August, really delighted. Frothy fucking Shakes.

Sometimes I start feeling like I'm really not too badly fucked up, then I detach a bit and observe my behavior more closely and, yeah, I'm really badly fucked up.