Just purchased some mp3s of French synth disco of T's childhood for her, the holiday shopping season begins, I guess. Listening to them now, why not enjoy a video:



Tried my best to leave work early & not work any more, but stuff kept coming up, hopefully nothing else will come up.

There's a rhetorical strategy that Nietzsche uses quite a lot that I've given quite a bit of thought for a long time. Basically it works by him either stating or implying that his writings have both an exoteric and esoteric reading. A pretty cheap gambit using basic social psychology to try to force an interpretive strategy on one's readers, 'I'm in with the in crowd and I know what the in crowd knows' & all that, still the imagery of esotericism is pretty fascinating and provides for some nice effects- secret societies, secret signs, secret correspondences, the rose & the rending of the veil. Maybe I should pick up that Pynchon book after all or maybe just watch this video over and over again.



Aby Warburg über alles. The Roman Empire never died.

It's funny all the emphasis these days on self-promotion, why would anyone want everyone to notice them? Why are there no guides on how to stay invisible to everyone but the pure of heart? It's something I try to approximate anyway, you should try it too, the others don't really see you anyway, wouldn't it be nice if they didn't at all?

Ensconcing myself in various fortresses of solitude, baroque castles full of machines, is getting a bit old as a method, trying to think of different sorts of places to ensconce myself. A budding grove, perhaps.

Thinking about Bruno Latour, haven't read this one yet, thinking about picking it up. Managed to resist getting the new Pynchon book the other day, other things on my mind, want to keep them there for the moment.

Up early again, voluntarily this time, lots of little muscle aches, eyes not quite focusing, ready to do some enterprise computing.

Peretz has been following me everywhere the past few days, think it made him really unhappy when I rushed out the door as soon as the power went out last night, was pretty flipped out by the time I got back anyway. Anyway, loud alarums of yesterday seem to have cleared my head nicely, things seem altered, feel a little unreal, but in a different way than earlier in the week, did I mention I was feeling unreal?

Drinking some leftover coffee, need to move to get fresh, hmmm.

Got called into work at five in the morning, couldn't get back to sleep, went back in a little early, left early, got called back in at five thirty due to power outage, just got home a little while ago, had a refreshing glass of water. I'm kind of tired, feeling very affectionately toward all and sundry, hope you're feeling happy.

Don't think I mentioned that Bloglines now thinks this blog is related not only to people's struggles with infertility but also to tales of life in Hong Kong, particularly those with an emphasis on architecture. Trying not to view Bloglines's related feed feature as a cryptic oracle, it's getting harder & harder.

Have taken to reading 'Dhalgren' in tiny snatches in the bathroom, it's no 'V.', but it serves the purpose pretty well. Was thinking about 'V.', sitting alone on a toilet at my parents' house while watching 'V for Vendetta' yesterday, also 'V: The Miniseries'.

V        V
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In a funny mental space, cramped and claustrophobic, opening onto terrifying panoramas, seem lovely & idyllic, what's rustling behind that bush?

Children being taught only the chorus of 'You are my Sunshine' is emblematic I think of some very important things about our culture and reality generally. Like using an expurgated version of 'Lust for Life' in a cruise commercial, it reveals genuinely horrible truths through concealment. People often seem to think of it as a happy song, it may be the saddest song I know.

Woke up early this morning from comforting dreams, hung my head and cried.

Just back from a long walk with Peretz on which we discussed the film 'Duck Soup' & applied comic poetics in the present epoch, degenerated into P saying 'Help is on the way!' a lot in a variety of funny voices, he also tried to eat a lot of things buried in leaves.

Still feeling like somebody slipped me a very bad drug, not funny, folks, really, I mean it.

Anyway, the project for today is the systematic delegitimization of authoritarian modes of interaction in any & all aspects of life, so, hop to it, my pretties- high comedy may not be sufficient, bring pies.

Got some pizza, T brought home 'V for Vendetta' & we are watching it, looks to be a big night for roughly triangular entities, what's next? Pizza was very tasty, movie seems lively & kind of stupid, good times, wish I would stop feeling crazy & ill, then things would be great. Work seemed to drag on for days, nothing unpleasant there except me, back under my rock now, cozy.

Toying with the idea of believing in a modified Gnosticism, in which the material world is seen as pure evil & there is no other world. Little trails of mental destruction radiating from all over my body, a thunder cloud, dark & nebulous. Attachment to the things of this world is a short path to extreme hatred, therefore trying to make myself feel more attached, get myself motivated to fuck things up. Feeling such a lot like Robespierre.

I don't think there's much room for doubt that the Enlightenment as project has been a bit of a wash, sinister figures straight from ancient mystery texts stalk the cities & countryside, it's no wonder people believe in them more & more, bring me my arrows of desire!

I love you all very much, but you are the playthings of things unknown to you that want you & everyone else to suffer, any resistance is just part of their plan. Cogs & gears suggest themselves but are a misleading image, a glittering field of forces, quite beautiful really, going to contemplate it for a while.

Didn't sleep very well, feeling kind of funny, would very much like to be as asocial as possible, but work beckons. Peretz can apparently tell when I'm feeling odd, spent the whole night with me, kind of got on my nerves, sadly, maybe he just stayed with me because he was cold. Had a dream about encountering a skunk on a walk with him, the skunk really wanted to play, confusing, was making low barking noises, play postures, made me nervous, Peretz bemused. Not really feeling like myself.

Drinking the first bit of coffee discharged by machine, too strong, really needed some coffee.

Did end up going to that art opening, nice elaborate cartoons mostly, talking to people was interesting.

Trying to decide whether to go to art opening later, might be pleasant, might drive me over edge, might be a waste of time, maybe all three. Soup came out nice- tasty, filling, nutritious- somebody else want to come eat it? Also made cornbread. Out of things to do, energy to do them, slowly sinking into couch.

T is watching suspense thriller starring Willem Dafoe, Helen Mirren, Robert Redford, can't deal with Robert Redford except in 'Three Days of the Condor', keep thinking he's Ted Turner.

Time is acting funny, hostile, contemplating its murder, need trustworthy confederates, arcane weapons of extreme potency, a safe house, don't have any of these things, bummer.

Working on white bean soup, quick soaking beans, cleaning vegetables, kind of tired, trying to keep busy, not busy = abyss. Watching English language Muzzy instructional video, eating penuchi fudge, not as good as the penuchi fudge from Bashista Orchard, still pretty OK. Been getting a lot done today, the abyss is a fine motivator.

Very foggy this morning.

Slept for an extremely long time, 12 hours or so, listening to psychedelic music all the while, had dreams of extreme beauty, not frightening, nice. Feel pretty well rested for once.

Doing some laundry, going to go do some work at work in a while, maybe attempt some tidying around the house after, make some soup.

Went to the shore yesterday, should go to the shore more often, maybe move to the shore altogether. Peretz had a lot of fun on the beach.

Went & tried new Vietnamese place in Amherst, the soup is very nice, complex but distinct flavors, they seem to be hurting for business, stuck behind mysterious construction, maybe you should go check them out. Got some non-flavored coffee, thinking about making a pot and doing projects or maybe just falling asleep.

Feel too funny to really appreciate beautiful day, feel like I should go out with P into it, feels nice to be resting though.

Had a lot of fun cooking, got really tired, sad around 4, tried to take a nap, didn't work out so well, people kept calling on the phone, up again, feel like it's the middle of the night, making cocoa.

Oh & here's that photo of T's mom I scanned yesterday:



Pretty nice.

Brisk morning, just took a brisk walk with P, going to go briskly do some necessary holiday tasks at work in a bit. I've allowed myself to run out of coffee on a holiday, my problem, lack of discipline. Drinking the last of my coffee now, sad. Considering experimental approaches to the preparation of butternut squash.

Wow, my hands are really cold. Wonder when we'll get snow. Peretz is wondering the same thing, standing on the couch, looking out the window.

Been doing a lot of snacking, listening to Can, just scanned a photo of T's mom for T to put on her blog or something, guess it's supposed to start raining shortly. Found a tick on P earlier, wonder where it came from, it's been pretty damn cold out, odd. Feel like I've had a sedative, a nice change.