Up bright & early, showered & shaved, those years in the military really paid off, think about it, kids.

Coffee, Mission of Burma, what's next?

Walk the dog, maybe.

Going to go out for Thai with T in a bit, I think, going to try to get some xmas shopping in tomorrow, we'll see what happens. Lots of muscle pain, worn out, sad old man. Really pretty viciously cold out, shouldn't be a surprise, but it is. Cold weather mostly makes P sleep a lot indoors, be totally manical out, last night he was being pretty nutty inside as well, maybe I've not been paying him sufficient attention?

Feeling very agitated despite fairly extreme exhaustion, slight noises making me jump. Eating food will probably help.

Anybody know a pizza place with malteds?

Much awaited end of workweek has been deferred, home waiting for lengthy synchronization process to complete so I can go back and do some migration, configuration, testing, etc. Big drag.

Morning air froze my hair while walking P this morning, no snow, was supposed to be some snow.

Cooked a nutritious stir fry, proud of myself, cooking has taken a real downturn since farm share ended, pathetic, lack of discipline.

Still pretty tired, was kind of drifting toward the end of workday, had trouble keeping track of what I was doing, brilliant.

Half watching some psycho girlfriend thriller T brought home from the library, brings back memories. Peretz has just arrived to receive attentions, got to go.

Have a case of the fidgets, might as well be asleep, can't concentrate.

My life has gotten very strange recently, in a basically good way I think. It's one thing to feel fully prepared and committed to acting in extreme ways if people want or need you to, quite another to have them actually want or need you to, even if you act exactly as you would've expected. Pretty tired, frightening sense of mental clarity, wonder how I got so good at convincing myself of things.

Anyway, I really do feel pretty warmly toward everyone likely to be reading this nonaccidentally, if you need anything, you should drop a line.

Was back & forth about going out to see some music for quite a while, finally decided that I'm just too tired. Having a ginger ale.

Feeling bored, restless, too tired to do anything about it, crap.

Peretz is rooting around in his bed, tags jingling.

Have day off, not getting much done- did some x-mas shopping, had lunch, bought some groceries, now sitting around spacing out. Should be walking dog, don't feel like going back out in the cold. Abandoned complex dinner plans for easy ones, might take a nap.

Well, a day late, but I got my first snowy excursion with Peretz in after all, had a nice effect on my frame of mind, already weirdly upbeat & positive, soon I'll be offering weekend courses at the ashram, fucked up, but maybe a good way to pay the bills.

P's eaten his breakfast, seems to want to go out again, hopefully he'll get over it, ah, he appears to have done so.

Maybe more tour of indigenous pizza options later, can't wait.

Some odd reflective moments, I'm a little flower, I'm nothing.

Managed to knock over lamp by my bed in the process of going to sleep, just spent some quality time cleaning up broken light bulb glass. Sore and achy this morning, vision slightly blurred.

Moon was beautiful last night, looming on the horizon, lilac-tinged, high overhead, pure white, skipping quickly through the clouds. Everything is beautiful, of course.

Left work early as part of compensatory measures related to excessive work of last week, it's a good thing, beginning to think that more than four hours of sleep may in fact be necessary, getting old, pathetic, looking to go posthuman ASAP.

Have a muscle cramp on the pinkie side of my right hand, odd.

Have always had a pretty acute sense that things gang aft agley- funny how lately time has been all out of joint but things actually seem to be coming together, hard to understand, maybe exceptions from the causal order are required for things to go well?

Peretz is asleep in a ball beside me, philosophical problems you don't care about spinning in my head. Or should I say 'philosophical'? It's a pretty hard thing to take seriously, I mostly don't even try.

Really need to try to get some more sleep at some point, this is just silly.

Woke up early, got up to check if there was snow, no snow, sad. Peretz is very disappointed, was hoping to get day off from school, didn't do his homework.

Things have gotten strange, it's pretty neat.

I'm really cold, going to make some fresh coffee.

Cold out, wonder if we're really going to get snow tomorrow, hope so.

This is really depressing, strangely, it got me thinking about what's happened to the university system, its infiltration by capitalist/corporatist values in the wake of its mushrooming growth since the 60s, I mean. Wonder if that's why so many friends of mine have retreated into the dusty stacks.

Hmmm, fairly weak comfort, but happy memories come along with it, nice. Listening to These Trails, 'Our House in Hanalei' at the moment. Discussing my travel plans with pal I'm going to see now, need to bring bread, coffee apparently. P has relented & made room for me on the couch.

Think my hair may have gotten much more gray recently, could be my imagination.

Have once again allowed myself to run out of proper coffee, in an emergency measure preparing myself a small amount of Sunshine Comfort Roast I had socked away, ah, roasted comfort. Peretz has occupied my position on the couch, I'm sitting precariously on its edge, pressed against him.

Headed to the big city for the day, hope my simple ways don't lead to my getting taken advantage of by the slickers. Hoping to be taken on one of those whirlwind tours where lighted signs and newspaper headlines buzz by my bemused & fascinated countenance, partially transparent.

Spent last evening in expectant state, no disasters emerged, brain is slowly reducing alert level. Fell asleep on the couch, didn't sleep that well, up too early.

sanā ca soma jeṣi ca pavamāna mahi śravaḥ |
athā no vasyasas kṛdhi ||
sanā jyotiḥ sanā svarviśvā ca soma saubhaghā |
athā ... ||
sanā dakṣamuta kratumapa soma mṛdho jahi |
athā ... ||
pavītāraḥ punītana somamindrāya pātave |
athā ... ||
tvaṃ sūrye na ā bhaja tava kratvā tavotibhiḥ |
athā ... ||
tava kratvā tavotibhirjyok paśyema sūryam |
athā ... ||
abhyarṣa svāyudha soma dvibarhasaṃ rayim |
athā ... ||
abhyarṣānapacyuto rayiṃ samatsu sāsahiḥ |
athā ... ||
tvāṃ yajñairavīvṛdhan pavamāna vidharmaṇi |
athā ... ||
rayiṃ naścitramaśvinamindo viśvāyamā bhara |
athā .. . ||

Shit, this thing won't let me put Greek in properly, oh well, if you feel like it check out the quote from Euripides & the paragraph after.

"When the sunlight strikes raindrops in the air, they act as a prism and form a rainbow. The rainbow is a division of white light into many beautiful colors. These take the shape of a long round arch, with its path high above, and its two ends apparently beyond the horizon. There is , according to legend, a boiling pot of gold at one end. People look, but no one ever finds it. When a man looks for something beyond his reach, his friends say he is looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Throughout the centuries people have explained the rainbow in various ways. Some have accepted it as a miracle without physical explanation. To the Hebrews it was a token that there would be no more universal floods. The Greeks used to imagine that it was a sign from the gods to foretell war or heavy rain. The Norsemen considered the rainbow as a bridge over which the gods passed from earth to their home in the sky. Others have tried to explain the phenomenon physically. Aristotle thought that the rainbow was caused by reflection of the sun's rays by the rain. Since then physicists have found that it is not reflection, but refraction by the raindrops which causes the rainbows. Many complicated ideas about the rainbow have been formed. The difference in the rainbow depends considerably upon the size of the drops, and the width of the colored band increases as the size of the drops increases. The actual primary rainbow observed is said to be the effect of super-imposition of a number of bows. If the red of the second bow falls upon the green of the first, the result is to give a bow with an abnormally wide yellow band, since red and green light when mixed form yellow. This is a very common type of bow, one showing mainly red and yellow, with little or no green or blue."

Did end up getting called into work again last night, sheesh.

The heavy stress of the past few days has brought on some interesting ecstatic states, anybody need some ideas for a cult? I've got some sketches of the godhead I'd be willing to part with cheap.

Anyway, woke with a start a little while ago, earlier than I had planned, may actually try to work in a nap later, doesn't seem likely to work out, somebody'll probably bend down to pick up a penny or something and somehow set my workplace ablaze. Imagine it will involve a complex pulley system, an excitable chicken and an electro-optical sensor at the very least.

The sleep I did manage to get was pretty nice, can't remember how many nights now I've been tarrying with Mnemosyne, maybe the world can use some saturnine muses?