So first day of new schedule, can't say I'm all that fond of it & of course tomorrow & the next day I'm going in earlier than my old sched. would dictate for the usual sorts of reasons, I guess I'll see how I feel about it once it regularizes itself and sinks in a bit, if that in fact ever happens. Feel lightheaded & lightly glazed, starting to prepare supper, moving very slowly, dog seems sluggish but still wants out, when the water boils, kid.

Trying out new work schedule starting tomorrow which means I can stay up for a while yet, no problem, but since what I mostly want to be doing is being curled up in a ball weeping, I think I might as well go to sleep. You can tell, or I can anyway, that you've spent far too much time in disturbed mental states when your main problem with them is finding new ways to present them humorously. Would be very satisfying to spend some time feeling sorry for myself without simultaneously finding it ridiculous but I can't seem to pull it off.

Have Jenks 'Tex' Carman's "I'm a poor lonesome fellow" stuck in my head, cute. OK, going to go be all fetal & pathetic for a while.

Spent the evening experimenting with the fusion of fraternal localities via mixed drinks with Harmony Springs and Tito's Vodka, Half Grapefruit/Half Lemon worked best, but Korker with a lime twist was quite passable, enjoyably convivial process of sobering up, now home again with the walls closing in, renewed oppressive sadness, various perspectives on pure dread presenting themselves to my mind's eye, which is now cowering in the corner, wimpering.

Will Peretz guide me safely through this apocalyptic landscape of overgrown ferns and night horrors? I'll tell you later.

When one finally realizes that all the repetition and cliche can't be removed without utterly falsifying thought, a new and total freedom of action becomes possible. Sadly, no one ever realizes this.

A certain tendency to more or less empty abstraction may be noticed, this is normal and not a cause for concern. The unshared & unshareable beauty of this day, on the other hand, will never be adequately mourned, though I spend the rest of my days, as I will, wrapped in a darkness so total that it pains the eye. Ha ha ha.

Walk the dog now, peach pie later?

Damaged beyond repair.

The sound of a bicycle wheel or a dead leaf rolling on pavement, is 'Erinnerung' an onomatopoeia, is 'onomatopoeia'? Old fantasies of intensifying the iconicity of language die hard- I'm just not the person for it, honestly, ask someone else. Should hire an observer for this melancholy as the volunteers don't show up after the first few days, lack of enthusiasm & who am I to tell them they're wrong? Nobody, that's who.

So tired of the marketplace of ideas & the unending mindless slaughter which fuels it, so tired of all the machines and their even more mechanical tenders, so tired of being tender, of being tenderized by the endless, pounding stream of images- remember a short story I wrote once, very short, starting "She fucks like a piston," and all the criticism I got for that, well, you were wrong, that's just how it was.

I tried to explain to a friend several years ago, a film student, a metaphoric complex which seemed very important to me at the time involving clocks, automata & film cameras, how many dreams there have been of a world without people, everything sliding into effervescence, what makes a melon ball bounce?

Peach pie, guacamole, Belgian beer, cartoons, lack of moral discipline, etc., etc.

T's making me sing 'Smoke on the Water' so she can better understand a description in some book she's reading, can do. Horrible flood of other Classic Rock hits destroying the tiny, honest villagers travelling to the big city for the first time in my subtle train of thought, fear & lack of understanding fill their eyes as they plunge into Fire Lake.

About to embark on another local food tour with J & E, if tragedy is repeated as farce, what is pastoral comedy repeated as?

P has taken to disturbing T when returning from morning walk, an affectionate dog, perhaps too affectionate.

Really feeling the need to vent my utopian impulses in some fashion, open to suggestions, dilapidated mansion suggested by Cooper seems appealing, but I want more than that, I think.

Thinking about making a Weird Weeds video, but haven't settled on a song, don't think I have a final mix of their new album yet anyway.

Am still somewhat fragmented from vivid dream experiences of last night, what the mind can conceive, can be.

Felt pretty bad about not taking P out as much as usual this week due to early work/heat, so I walked into town with him and more or less let him have his head, a lot of long circles, mysterious pauses to look into the distance, sudden desperate pulling, we're more alike than you might imagine.

Peaches continue to amaze, really, the subtle beauty of the flavor of so many fruits point the way. Let's go.

I've said it before, but principles don't matter a damn, the schemata are where the action is.

This section is in italics to indicate that you are now inside the mind of the killer. Cliches of genre determine our experience to an extent which is strictly impossible to overestimate. Concepts divide the world into what is and what is not something. Our concern is always with concepts.

Peretz just played with black/brindle colored puppy who was so excited by him she peed on the sidewalk. Made pork tips in salsa roja, pico de gallo, will make guacamole with leftover pico later, high summer vegetables = A++++++ BUYER, would do business with again.

OK, just this,and then I'll shut up about it:



Really sad this keeps happening, peace & love, kids.

I will be alone again tonight, my dear.

When I read a few days ago that Murray Bookchin had died on Sunday, it had a very odd effect on me, but I was mostly too busy to notice- it's a strange thing for there to have been someone with preoccupations and attitudes so similar to mine who wrote so much stuff that I just can't stand reading, really it's unbearable. In a way, it's been a comfort having the Institute for Social Ecology right down the road, plugging away, and of course that will continue. I suppose it's not so strange, really, so often the people I feel closest to can't stand me either. Oh, bother.

Mind blowing local peaches, lavender ice cream, skybar ice cream, Boston baked beans, tiny hard candy fish, gummi teeth & gums, chocolate covered raisins, yikes.

Just as I am getting used to being at work at seven in the morning, I'm going to discontinue the practice. Can't say I'm all that upset about it, it's been a long week. I've lost track of just about everything going on in my life that's not work related, which might be for the best, really, as I've been in a pretty good mood despite being very tired most of the time. Some of this might be down to the extreme heat, of course.

Wish I had some fun weekend plans, I think there are multiple blueberry festivals happening which could be nice, but I can only take so much nice.

I've been working on drilling the utter hopelessness of the world situation further into my head- when I can manage to do that, I feel more free to act. Go ahead & try it, some folks think it's great!

Close up (50x) view of emotional phenomena homunculus retina, while reading about current events:

Work is done, watching Cat Stevens videos on YouTube, just read panning of my brother's band's new record by inexplicably tastemaking review site, here's a tip, if you want a good review from those people, don't know me.

Just when I was convinced there would be no video with 'Granny',



it gets cut off of course, but still. And now, Mr. Sidney Poitier:

So G&T was a no go as I just passed out instead, woke up around 5:30, drank a little coffee, walked the dog, got home to a 'help we can't connect to the database' message from work, went to work and brought the db server back up, been at work till a little before now, need to go back later to try to prevent the same thing happening again tomorrow.

Picked up farm share, they have eggplants & peppers & tomatoes now, very exciting, if you couldn't tell, Summer has arrived. Just stir fried some bok choy in a spicy black bean sauce, going to cook some frozen pork & black mushroom dumplings in a little while and toss them with it if I don't fall asleep first.

Signed myself up to go to a Microsoft TechNet presentation in Framingham next Tuesday, a masochistic theme develops.

I should start a moving company on the side, pretty soon I'd be rolling in burgers, fruity drinks, popsicles, etc. Intense weather for toting stuff around, no doubt purging the toxic byproducts of my morally questionable lifestyle, feel born anew, let's talk about spirituality.

Thinking about making myself a G&T, Harmony Springs style, but can't seem to quite get up the motivation.