Just took Peretz for a walk, he's soaking wet, I'm soaking wet, and both of us love all of you with a sincerity and a fervor born of long suffering. Come by for a visit & we'll prove it.

Anyway, which way out of the hell dimension? Eternal life & bliss certainly not required, but preferred. Anyone got any pointers?

Got out of work a bit earlier than my usual for Friday and walked to town in the pouring rain to get beef momo from the Tibetan place which were surprisingly amazing as always. Should really go there more often. Tried to find some records after, but no luck.

Benadryl and a good night's sleep have left me feeling more able to cope, so if you've been waiting to tell me your troubles, feel free and I'll get right on it. Just set up web hosting for a W-S Burn website, don't think there's anything there yet, but when there is, you should check it out as they're awesome (Steve, if you happen to be reading this, please come play here some time, I'll make Mattar Paneer if you'd like).

Weighing whether to go see Michael Hurley & Feathers at the Bookmill tonight or to stay home and be supportive. Feel free to use comments as an informal online poll to assist me in resolving this moral dilemma.

Alright, since my last post I've gone from just feeling crappy to being incredibly bummed out and judging from the reactions of everyone I've told about it, you really don't want to know why.

Went to see some music for a little while anyway, Dan & George playing records, there was more to come, but I had to get home and deal with stuff. Got some ginger ale on the way home, very refreshing.

OK, so the good natured sleepiness from earlier has evolved into a light headed wooziness. I'm therefore spending some time at home going over server logs. Maybe the dampness of the past few days has encouraged some life form I'm allergic to to be fruitful and multiply?

Also, a friend of Tanya's has a supposedly litter box trained 5 month old white bunny to give away (the guinea pigs aren't getting along with him apparently). Anybody need one?

Well, just received confirmation for my Certified Penetration Testing Specialist course week after next, hopefully they won't reschedule it again, I know how disappointed some of you were last time. Also hope I get a tshirt or at least a button...

Woke up with my right arm feeling all tingly, maybe a rare neurological condition? Dare to dream, right? Also the coffee isn't really doing it for me this morning, could somebody swing by my office, sneak up behind me and pop a balloon or something?

A pretty fun evening, went to the pupusaria in S. Hadley with T, Joel & Emily. The place is pretty uniformly great (avoid the salad) and cheap with consistently weird service (waitress forgets 20% of order, leaves all silverware together on one corner of table, our check was written in childlike print on a little square of green paper) , everyone within 100 miles should go there as often as possible. Also managed to pass off some cheesecake on J&E, even Peretz had a little. It was really fun.

At the same time, of course, I had this whole other consciousness going on, floating dark irritability, hyperawareness of my own overly mannered behavior, strange fascination with my boredom with myself, some really high-level, analytically sound despair- the usual business. All the while finding all kinds of things funny that aren't or wouldn't be to you anyway and having every pop song ever written, well at least 5 or 6 of them, running through my head in a gorgeous, ecstatic harmony.

I am a beautiful flower, and it's Spring.

Weirdly busy at work, no doubt neglecting things which shouldn't be neglected... do you feel neglected?

Wish there was some music or something to go see, feeling fidgety, will probably just go wander the moors with Peretz looking dashing and romantic (Peretz that is, I will be appearing in the role of the mysterious but strangely familiar tramp).

Anyway, the cheesecake was all I could have wanted it to be, but no one came to have any- maybe you're all on diets or think I'll butcher you and hang your meat to cure in my basement or something, whatever, it would still be worth it & there's still some left, so think about it.

Oh, wow, Tanya's gone to get coffee for me, I can lie back and watch the ceiling vibrate.

Wrote most of a fairly long poem in my head earlier at work, but have lost most of it since. It was about postapocalyptic mutant bunnies building a rocket ship to go to the Oort Cloud...

I remember

They trundled out their autofac and started shooting capsules back
To sterile Earth, soon live again, thanks to infusions of nitrogen.

but not much else. There was also a good bit about a little floppy bunny finding and translating "Where Comets Come From" but I can't remember the actual rhymes. Sorry folks, work is a bitch.

So, Tanya had this oral surgery last week and is only allowed to eat 'soft' foods for two weeks. Yesterday, I decided that pretty much the only soft food much worth eating was cheesecake and starting trying to figure out where to get some that wasn't fluffy or powdery or too vanillay or (horribly) all three (try Stop N Shop for this experience). Anyway, hadn't had much in the way of thoughts about how to approach this problem beyond the longshot of the place in Holyoke which replaced Finely David's and which I noticed the other day advertises itself as a 'New York Style' deli but which looks pretty uninspiring when I hear from Emily via Joel, who I had earlier consulted on the issue, that a Rein's Delicatessen is supposed to be opening today in W. Springfield, on the rotary where the Ground Round used to be. Emily seemed to believe that their cheesecake might actually be good. So got in the car, picked up Joel & Emily, found out that Emily was interested in going to Rein's original location in Vernon, CT if the one in W. Springfield didn't pan out, drove down 5 to W. Springfield, got onto the rotary in question & spotted the place, looked empty, but parking lot full of cars. Parked, front door was open, but no customers inside, weird cult-like happening (new employee training?) going on in back. Uniformed guy inside mouthed "next week" to Emily. So we went to Vernon. Anyway, so the place is pretty ok, nothing spectacular, but the pastrami actually tastes like pastrami, the rye bread has the right texture, etc. Everyone working there seems to have some kind of vague disability. Emily only orders a side of mac 'n' cheese, Joel gets this monstrous turkey/pastrami/chopped liver thing. The cheesecake is pretty good, too and I notice they have frozen Carnegie Deli cheesecakes in front, which I like even better. So I get a slice of the inhouse cheesecake, a frozen Carnegie cheesecake and some chopped liver. Got home a little later than I would have liked and had a weird dog upset I'd been gone so long/really excited about the chopped liver experience on arriving home. Tanya seems happy, I'm happy, gotta go to the store to buy coffee now or tomorrow will be difficult. Also, tomorrow, if anybody wants cheesecake, the frozen one will have thawed and you can have some.

Much has been made of the effect of porn on the minds of fragile youth, and while I've never thought that it was all that bad, I admit from my own youthful recollections it can be quite dizzying. Less attention has been paid, however, to the effect of porn spam on the tender poetic sensibilties of sysadmins- without further ado, then, An Ode to Youth:

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Just went to look at some art, first at Eastworks where it was "Gallery Night," but apart from the show at Peanut, which, of course, rocks, but which I had already had a pretty thorough look at, the stuff on display was, to put it charitably, pretty uninteresting. Then I went to Flywheel to see "Psychantasy" which was colored pencil drawings of fairies and distressed looking people in allegorical situations. While the artist is an art therapist and the work suffered from the impoverished view of the human situation typical of the psychotherapeutic movement, some of the drawings were quite striking, especially the one with a baby doll like figure emerging from a gaping wound in a woman's shoulder. There were also some interesting effects achieved with glitter. You can look at some of this stuff online here, sadly I can't offer any hope of good glitter effects.

Overheard there, approximately:

Middle aged woman: You should publish these in a book...
Artist: Do you really think so?
Middle aged woman: Oh, yes, many of these images are very powerful.
Artist: It's my dream, but I don't know how. Who would publish them?
Middle aged man: It would be cheaper to print them yourself, do you have a printer?
Artist: It's always been my dream to have them printed in a book, each with a poem...
Middle aged woman: Well, then, you should write a poem for each one...
Artist: I already have so many poems...
Middle aged man: You would have to scan them in, could someone show you?
Artist: Most of them have already been scanned into the computer.
Middle aged man: Then you could just print them out.
Artist: It's my dream, it's my dream...

Almost started crying on the drive home, "I could be in love with almost everyone" indeed.

Well formatted that newsletter anyway, here, you can read it if you want.

While I was doing that, Peretz decided it would be fun to shove his food and water bowls around on the kitchen floor. I think it might be because I accidentally put out a 2nd breakfast for him, but I'm not sure I did, hmmm.

OK, dog is walked, everybody's happy. More pressing things to do:

1) Get CDs from Bill to put on web
2) See if Bill has any recordings of that Italian horror movie sounding music he was playing a while back, if so, use some to score short video
3) Get CDs from George to put on web
4) Make html version of current Reader to Reader newsletter. While I'm at it why don't you

and help take the country back from the cretins. Literate poor kids are dangerous poor kids.

So much to do and I'm not doing any of it:

1) Start a reading/movie watching group for Gilles Deleuze's Cinema books
2) Figure out the best way to have regular outdoor show/picnic events here when the weather's fine
3) Start effete prog band (working name Gêlatinous Çube)
4) Write 1000 articles for web about Soviet Bloc and Japanese pop cuture
5) Write a pulpy scifi novel a week for ten weeks
6) Find more ways to be social that don't involve dealing with hip kids
7) Further investment in local art production infrastructure

These are all on hold for at least 15 minutes, got to walk the dog.

Did an unexpected performance of a Frothy Shakes song earlier with Moscow Mule, this one, if you're interested. It was pretty fun and seemed to go over well (was told it was 'rad' which is probably the nicest thing anybody's said to me lately), but I couldn't really tell how it sounded, oh well.

Bad escapist science fiction tv, here I come.

Apparently, My Dad is Dead have put a bunch of their old albums up for free download. If you get this one, put it on, point a fan on high at your face and close your eyes, it will be almost exactly like riding around in a car with me in the early 90s. If anybody gets the shivers, let me know.

More free dummycakes:

Want to be out in the sunshine (that's you!). Just returned to work after giving ride to oral surgeon/running errands for work combined junket. The surgeon was apparently pretty free with the N2O, good times. On the downside, the prices for the crappiest mouse pads available appear to have doubled while I wasn't looking, has there been a run on foam rubber in anticipation of the apocalypse or something? Why wasn't I invited?

I'm a big idiot, observe:









Thanks George!

Magical world of the perpetual headache continues, which would be a great opportunity for indulging in the pathetic fallacy, if only my beloved readers could understand that headaches are more like weather than feelings.

Went to check out performance/comix thing downtown which was pretty ok, but would have been better if everybody there who wasn't Jess didn't make me feel totally self-conscious and uncomfortable and if the gay utopia speech hadn't been delivered in a twangy revivalist manner which managed to really piss me off despite being totally harmless. Anyway, if anybody is actually headed to the gay utopia, I'd be happy to come along. Also there was a pretty good video bit with an onion puppet. Would also be happy to be your onion puppet, if that's your thing.

Weird stressful things at work which can't be disclosed due to the Official Secrets Act- yoiks! I'm a professional!